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12 June 2023

Weekly wellness tip: The Science of Self-kindness


Published on 12 June 2023
Health and wellbeing Tools and tips

College Of Law    

The Science of Self-kindness

Studies show self-kindness has incredible benefits for your wellbeing. Being kind to yourself triggers the release of oxytocin (one of your brain’s feel-good hormones), increases feelings of happiness and optimism, builds resilience and helps you bounce back from stress.

Self-criticism creates a very different reaction in the brain. When we are too hard on ourselves, the amygdala – our brain’s ‘lookout’ – may perceive this as a threat and release stress hormones. Harsh self-criticism can also trigger our brain’s fight or flight response.

Research shows spending too much time in fight or flight is detrimental to our wellbeing and can lead to chronic stress or burnout. Self-kindness is a powerful way to dial down our fight or flight response and rewire our brain for optimism.

What exactly is self-kindness?

One of the world’s leading self-compassion researchers, Dr Kristen Neff, has identified three main elements of self-kindness:

  • Replace judgement with empathy. When something goes wrong or is difficult, our brains can be quick to judge. Instead, practice empathy. Remind yourself ‘you’re only human’ and ask yourself what you can learn from this experience, instead of jumping to judgemental thoughts such as I never get things right.
  • Acknowledge our common humanity. Everyone makes mistakes, faces challenges, and struggles with self-doubt and low self-esteem from time to time. You are not alone and nobody is perfect.
  • Try not to over-identify with emotions. When we are struggling with something, it’s amazing how quickly our brain can jump from I failed at this to I’m a failure. Dr Kristen Neff refers to this as overidentification.

She suggests observing thoughts from a non-judgemental perspective and detaching your identity from the behaviour.

If in doubt, remember self-kindness is about allowing yourself to be human. It is the ability to recognise your strengths and weaknesses and feel good about both. Know that it is normal to make mistakes – doing so is often a gift and an opportunity to learn.

**Adapted from Groov